Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
