2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
