You just made me feel so damn special
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
