I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I need moral support for this bender
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
