I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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