how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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