Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
