he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
