I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
i believe in u and ur pee
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
