He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
