hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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