the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
