you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
