If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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