So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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