Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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