She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
