Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
