I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Come see our sink grown plant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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