Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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