It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
