I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
