Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
