I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
