I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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