If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
