I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wear drunk well.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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