My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
