i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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