i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
