Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
