If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
