Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
