Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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