drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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