Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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