i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
