PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
