Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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