I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
