Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
