So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
