I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
