Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
