I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
