he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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