I look better un-naked...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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