How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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