last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
