Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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