If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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