I think im going to throw up on grandma
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
