I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
